It’s spring! Pavasaris! La Primavera! Весна!
Wonderful, wonderful spring is finally here! And with what beautiful weather we are treated! It’s been sunny and warm all week long; no clouds whatsoever. People smile more. I love my life this week.
Also, last Sunday was the dreadful doom-day of clock turning. Now we’ve got up an hour earlier (those who know me should understand that this is by no means easy) but (and it really makes it all better) we get to enjoy daylight for an hour longer. Which is indescribably fine. And I get to celebrate two birthdays this weekend.
I feel like jumping up and down of sheer joy!
Music of moment: Blur ‘Song 2’
P.S. A friend of mine dragged me to watch this chick-flick ‘Music and Lyrics’. I was thoroughly disappointed. How dumb can a movie get? I now plan to go watch ‘Miss Potter’ to - hopefully - restore my faith in good cinema.
Friday 30 March 2007
Monday 12 March 2007
It's my pity party; I'll whine if I want to, I'll whine if I want to...
Oh god, I feel so dense today.
My brain is covered in a mist of sleep I lack. Everything is fuzzy and coated in light dust that forms subtle shapes and diminishes sounds. I should be home sleeping yet here I am – sitting at my desk and pretending to actually do some work. No luck with that so far. That is, no luck with the doing. I’m getting quite good at pretending.
Reason? Why, a book, of course. Yes, I know I should expect the consequences if I read till 4am when I’m supposed to get up at 7am the next morning. Still. It’s not entirely my fault if they write so exciting books nowadays, now is it? I just couldn’t bring myself to put it down.
I’m not making much sense today. Visions of soft beds and warm blankets efficiently prevent me from that. Even double bull’s dose of coffee didn’t help. Eep. I wanna go home.
My brain is covered in a mist of sleep I lack. Everything is fuzzy and coated in light dust that forms subtle shapes and diminishes sounds. I should be home sleeping yet here I am – sitting at my desk and pretending to actually do some work. No luck with that so far. That is, no luck with the doing. I’m getting quite good at pretending.
Reason? Why, a book, of course. Yes, I know I should expect the consequences if I read till 4am when I’m supposed to get up at 7am the next morning. Still. It’s not entirely my fault if they write so exciting books nowadays, now is it? I just couldn’t bring myself to put it down.
I’m not making much sense today. Visions of soft beds and warm blankets efficiently prevent me from that. Even double bull’s dose of coffee didn’t help. Eep. I wanna go home.
Friday 9 March 2007
Philisophical stuff
So I had this discussion with a friend of mine. We talked life, death, ways of living. Tough stuff like that. What we want to do with our lives. What we dream of. What we know. What we should learn. Where to go, which road to take. Yeah, I thought it was a bit much, myself.
Anyway.
She has all the motivation for just about every task thrown at her. Whatever it would be – from self-teaching English to dance lessons to biology – name it, and she’ll figure out a way to motivate herself and do it with all her heart and determination. She will conquer and win. It’s just the way she is.
Thing is, she does all those things, but has no idea how they work in the greater picture, how they connect with the ultimate goals or, say, missions of her life. She even doesn‘t know what are her ultimate goals in life yet. She just goes with the flow and picks up everything on her way until she stumbles on the big answer. If she ever does. One can hope. Meanwhile, she relishes in action and rapid movement around her that she stirs.
I, on the other hand, with every passing day gain more sureness regarding my goal in life, my reason for living this life here and know. Doesn’t matter what it is; I know it, and that’s enough. Sadly, since that goal is quite sedated and does not require world domination as the result, I often go lazy. I have no hurry whatsoever. I know where I go and what I need to do. It’s a peaceful existence. Downside: it does not require additional small goals along the way. I can do my big thing, and stuff like learning snowboard or hitchhiking to Spain sorta gets forgotten. I don’t have to invent goals for I have it already. The rest I choose and do because it brings me pleasure. I learned English and studied history because it was fun and I enjoyed it. I experiment with cooking because it excites me, not to broaden my horizon and conquer new mark of development. There’s a difference.
And then I think – am I making it up? Am I fooling myself? Have I simplified my existence by inventing an ultimate goal that serves as a buffer between me and the real life? What if real life actually means just that – getting as many little things done the best you can? Am I unconsciously trapping me in a cage of obscure grandeur to avoid the living? I might be, and it worries me quite a bit. No one is foolproof. And the main goal with sabbatical from real life as one of the key components does sound kinda shady. Maybe it’s just a stage and I’ll snap out of it. If I ever do. One can hope.
Meanwhile, we both have some things about ourselves quite clear. And some we totally don’t have. And they are not matching but complimenting the other perfectly. If we were merged into one person, this human would be in total clarity as what to do next and why. This person would be happy and complete, and determinate, unstoppable force.
In reality, we both just sorta float along the way and pass our time the best we can. For better or worse. We often are confused, and not sure about ourselves. We concluded on the note that we will find out if we did right or not eventually. If not in this life, then after it ends; when the soul leaves this plain and – in theory – regains all memories and experiences of lives spent. I wish us luck.
P.S. It's my Mother's birthday today. Happy Birthday, Mom!
Anyway.
She has all the motivation for just about every task thrown at her. Whatever it would be – from self-teaching English to dance lessons to biology – name it, and she’ll figure out a way to motivate herself and do it with all her heart and determination. She will conquer and win. It’s just the way she is.
Thing is, she does all those things, but has no idea how they work in the greater picture, how they connect with the ultimate goals or, say, missions of her life. She even doesn‘t know what are her ultimate goals in life yet. She just goes with the flow and picks up everything on her way until she stumbles on the big answer. If she ever does. One can hope. Meanwhile, she relishes in action and rapid movement around her that she stirs.
I, on the other hand, with every passing day gain more sureness regarding my goal in life, my reason for living this life here and know. Doesn’t matter what it is; I know it, and that’s enough. Sadly, since that goal is quite sedated and does not require world domination as the result, I often go lazy. I have no hurry whatsoever. I know where I go and what I need to do. It’s a peaceful existence. Downside: it does not require additional small goals along the way. I can do my big thing, and stuff like learning snowboard or hitchhiking to Spain sorta gets forgotten. I don’t have to invent goals for I have it already. The rest I choose and do because it brings me pleasure. I learned English and studied history because it was fun and I enjoyed it. I experiment with cooking because it excites me, not to broaden my horizon and conquer new mark of development. There’s a difference.
And then I think – am I making it up? Am I fooling myself? Have I simplified my existence by inventing an ultimate goal that serves as a buffer between me and the real life? What if real life actually means just that – getting as many little things done the best you can? Am I unconsciously trapping me in a cage of obscure grandeur to avoid the living? I might be, and it worries me quite a bit. No one is foolproof. And the main goal with sabbatical from real life as one of the key components does sound kinda shady. Maybe it’s just a stage and I’ll snap out of it. If I ever do. One can hope.
Meanwhile, we both have some things about ourselves quite clear. And some we totally don’t have. And they are not matching but complimenting the other perfectly. If we were merged into one person, this human would be in total clarity as what to do next and why. This person would be happy and complete, and determinate, unstoppable force.
In reality, we both just sorta float along the way and pass our time the best we can. For better or worse. We often are confused, and not sure about ourselves. We concluded on the note that we will find out if we did right or not eventually. If not in this life, then after it ends; when the soul leaves this plain and – in theory – regains all memories and experiences of lives spent. I wish us luck.
P.S. It's my Mother's birthday today. Happy Birthday, Mom!
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