Philisophical stuff

So I had this discussion with a friend of mine. We talked life, death, ways of living. Tough stuff like that. What we want to do with our lives. What we dream of. What we know. What we should learn. Where to go, which road to take. Yeah, I thought it was a bit much, myself.

Anyway.

She has all the motivation for just about every task thrown at her. Whatever it would be – from self-teaching English to dance lessons to biology – name it, and she’ll figure out a way to motivate herself and do it with all her heart and determination. She will conquer and win. It’s just the way she is.

Thing is, she does all those things, but has no idea how they work in the greater picture, how they connect with the ultimate goals or, say, missions of her life. She even doesn‘t know what are her ultimate goals in life yet. She just goes with the flow and picks up everything on her way until she stumbles on the big answer. If she ever does. One can hope. Meanwhile, she relishes in action and rapid movement around her that she stirs.

I, on the other hand, with every passing day gain more sureness regarding my goal in life, my reason for living this life here and know. Doesn’t matter what it is; I know it, and that’s enough. Sadly, since that goal is quite sedated and does not require world domination as the result, I often go lazy. I have no hurry whatsoever. I know where I go and what I need to do. It’s a peaceful existence. Downside: it does not require additional small goals along the way. I can do my big thing, and stuff like learning snowboard or hitchhiking to Spain sorta gets forgotten. I don’t have to invent goals for I have it already. The rest I choose and do because it brings me pleasure. I learned English and studied history because it was fun and I enjoyed it. I experiment with cooking because it excites me, not to broaden my horizon and conquer new mark of development. There’s a difference.

And then I think – am I making it up? Am I fooling myself? Have I simplified my existence by inventing an ultimate goal that serves as a buffer between me and the real life? What if real life actually means just that – getting as many little things done the best you can? Am I unconsciously trapping me in a cage of obscure grandeur to avoid the living? I might be, and it worries me quite a bit. No one is foolproof. And the main goal with sabbatical from real life as one of the key components does sound kinda shady. Maybe it’s just a stage and I’ll snap out of it. If I ever do. One can hope.

Meanwhile, we both have some things about ourselves quite clear. And some we totally don’t have. And they are not matching but complimenting the other perfectly. If we were merged into one person, this human would be in total clarity as what to do next and why. This person would be happy and complete, and determinate, unstoppable force.

In reality, we both just sorta float along the way and pass our time the best we can. For better or worse. We often are confused, and not sure about ourselves. We concluded on the note that we will find out if we did right or not eventually. If not in this life, then after it ends; when the soul leaves this plain and – in theory – regains all memories and experiences of lives spent. I wish us luck.

P.S. It's my Mother's birthday today. Happy Birthday, Mom!